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so many days have passed and i haent written anything. i think i should write but the moment i sit .. i go blank or i dont find anything intersteing to write about. i have a avery weak memory. my memory doesnt holds anything for long. things pass away quickly from my head. but i know something tat i m quick. i think a lot of things in a very short span of time.
i have realized something.. i need to be alone to write someting. i dont like people paying attention to me when i wite something. bcoz when people are around me.. i think of them. my attention is on them rather than on my wrtings. i thought i was a self-conscios guy.. but i m more concious of other people than myself. instead rather.. i think i m more conscious of people who r paying attention to me. so i n way i m self concious person. but so i m.. i cant change. ther rae various kind of peple. evry one is different from other. its not tat i m the first person of my kind to walk on earth. there have been people who were like me. who used to think like i do.. not in the exactly way.. but similarly. bcoz no one is exactly as other. n people had lived. some successfully.. other withot much sucess.
its very confusing and difficult to define success. its depends on person .. and what does he values in life... what does he wants from life. for me money is not the most imp thing. but it is imp. i dont wanna live earning money n money. i dont want to be rich with money but i want to be sucessful rather i want my life to be a success. i want to make a purpose out of my life. a purpose to do things tat i want to do. n wat i want to do? ther r lot of things.. i want to learn music, i want to learn about computers more n more, i want to do a lot of mathematics bcoz it gives me a high. sry doing maths gives a high? i ask myself again.. i doubt.. i realize its not doing maths tat gives me a high.. instead its the recognition .. the appreciation tat i get gives me a high. appreciation is final thing tat i want. i want to be appreciated in the thing i do and i will do only thoose thngs tat i want to do. isnt it be so bad if u keep on doing thngs tat u love to do n nobody likes it. the things u like.. u want to share it with others n wish tat they will like too. n only after other people like ur deeds... u feel the complete happiness. so is life making people happy? is it about making others happy?yes for me it is. i will be happy if i could make other people happy. note the sentence: ï will be happy if i make other people happy" . taht is it.. every person on earth lives because he wants to be happy. its just the differnt things that make diffrerent people happy. i feel happy when i can make other people happy. i believe this is not just the case with me.. but every other human being. a person who says he wants to earn money n power... ask him why? he will say he wants tat bcoz that will make him happy. ask him if he doensnt gets money n power y will he be unhappy? he will say yes but y? bcoz he will think his life is a waste. he will think he couldnt live up to the expectations? n expectations of whom ? these whom are the "öthers" the people. a person wishes to earn power n money.. bcoz then he thinks he will earn respect from 'people'. bcoz then he will think people will appreciate him. that is.. we all live in order to make others happy.. make other feel glad of us.. make others feel jealous of us... make others follow us... make others love us... make others like us. we all live for the interest of the others.
imagine living alone in this world. imagine tat evr one is dead n u r leftalone living in this world with evry thing open to u. what would u do? i would do all those tat i wanted to do. eat all my favourites food.. watch all the movies.. travel evrywhere..use evrything bcoz there is nobody to stop me or to say anything to me. but soon i will run short of my 'wants'. i will do evrything tat i was restricted to do. after tat i will have nothign to do. bcoz nobody is expecting me to do anything. i wont know what to do. i wont be able to decide what to do. to live or die... evn this i wont be able to decide. evrything will go blank. evrything will go empty. evrythign will be unimportant.

but sudenly if u u get one boy alive. a whole world of new series of "wants"comes to live. u will suddenly feel like doing lots of things with him. talk, go around, play, do this n do tat. n all this just bcoz someone is there whom u r living for. he is the reason for u to be alive.
so we all live just for others. no one is selfish. even if he wants to be.. he cant be. bcoz whateve he does is influenced by the reason which is the "people". evry act of ours has the same reason " the others".